-Review by G. Chandler

Miss – Starring Rachel McAdams, Cillian Murphy

If movies cost $5 this would have been a popcorn burning, Friday -night-date hit of a movie, but seeing as movies are $8.50 with my 3 year expired student ID this one weights in at a Miss.

The Plot:

Girl boards plane, creepy Irish fellow is there to make sure girl moves important V.I.P. to a new room so that pseudo russian sounding individuals can shoot a RPG that was smuggled in a fish box at his room in an assasination attempt, which she must thwart in McGyver style with just a Frankenstein bobble head pen. Spoiler Warning!! Actually that spoiler warning may have been a little late, but trust me the previews pretty much gave you all that anyhow.

Some things that are good in this movie:

1. The Canadian girl’s (McAdams) flowing curls. Reminded me of a brunette Farrah Fawcett. And have you noticed that Rachel is on fire as of late. Just scroll down this page. Looks like Hollywood is getting really good at saturating the popular conciounce with celebrities before the release of a new movie.
2. The Irish guy’s (Murphy) darth vader impression.
3. The reckless disregard for the 180-degree line that in no way advanced the plot or did anything for the scene.
4. Did I mention the Canadians hair?
5. The 110% underdeveloped subplot/background story and its resulting feminine empowerment. (hint: think Daredevil)
6. Will Farrell and Cheri Oteri with “the perfect cheer.”
7. There was a rocket launcher in this movie and I have a soft spot in my heart for rocket launchers because they knock the socks.
8. The GTA San Andreas style jack move of the hitman on the front lawn. (CJ would be proud.)

Actually looking back it appears that points three and five are negatives and point six would have been great, but alas, it existed not on the silver screen but in the farthest reaches of my imagination. You may understand this if you see the movie, however if you do see the movie; do it on DVD.

Oh and if you write reviews for US Magazine and want to steal more of my stuff [edited for content and style] at least send me an email to ask first.

Red Eye starring Cillian Murphy and the lovely Rachel McAdams opens Friday, August 19, 2005. Most people may remember Rachel McAdams from her performances in Mean Girls, The Notebook, and most recently The Wedding Crashers. Cillian Murphy is relatively new to the blockbuster movie world but has an extensive performance background. He was recently seen in this summers comic book prequel Batman Begins.

There is something about Cillian Murphy that makes one think about him and his performance days after a viewing. What is it about him that causes this to happen? At this point I have no idea what draws me to such an actor but I find him to be fascinating.

A working actor since the age of 21, Murphy has been successfully making movies at a steady pace. Why did it take so long for the “blockbuster type” movies to finally take notice of such talent?

I would love to sit down with this Irish lad and find out what makes him tick. Sadly, my journalism isn’t established enough to provide for sed interviews but there is always room to dream.

On another note: You have to give a lot of credit to any male actor in this world who is willing to do a full frontal nudity scene for an indie film. You can pick 28 Days Later, the movie that put Cillian Murphy on the map, at your local video store.

Miss – Johnny Knoxville, Seann William Scott, Jessica Simpson, Burt Reynolds, Willie Nelson, General Lee

The Duke’s discover that Hazzard county is in danger of being taken over by Boss Hogg – who will ultimately turn the land into a giant mine. Now the Duke’s need to save the town before there is no town to save.

Yawn. Ultimately this is a movie that should have never been made. It makes me wonder, what were they thinking? First of all- the story is simple and lame. Second, the characters are not very interesting. And third, it almost looks like the director shot the blocking of the film because everything seems very mechanical and stiff – direction, acting, and so on. The only solid outstanding performance came from The General Lee. But I should hope his performance is good seeing this film took 50 million to make.

Jessica Simpson- eye candy-yes. Good actress- no. But there really wasn’t much to work with. She did her best and unfortunately, I have higher standards than that. Seann Williams Scott is always funny, but I just didn’t care about him or Johnny Knoxville. This movie would have been better if it were a made-for-TV movie, which is ultimately what it looked like. Yikes. Bottom Line: The Dukes of Hazzard is hazzardess to your viewing health.

Comedy(?)

Rated PG-13 for sexual content, crude and drug-related humor, language and comic action violence.

Running Time: 1 hour 46 minutes

Hit – Johnny Depp, Freddie Highmore, David Kelly, Helena Bonham Carter, Missi Pyle, Christopher Lee

Based on the book by Roald Dahl, a young boy wins a tour through the famous Wonka chocolate factory. The leader of the tour is candy maker Willy Wonka who is an unusual character who hasn’t opened the factory gates in many years.

I enjoyed this movie just as much as the original. The director of cinematography deserves a nod at the Oscar’s seeing as though the land of Wonka is vivaciously vibrant. There are also just enough differences from the original to make this movie stand on its own. I particularly enjoyed the back-stories of many of the characters including Charlie’s family, the discovery of Oompa-Loompas, and the childhood of Willy Wonka. The differences at the end provided more depth to Willy Wonka and his motives for opening the factory.

One thing that didn’t change from the original that I found quite disturbing in the first film: The grandparents are all still sharing the same bed. Doesn’t anyone have a saw that could make two beds out of one big bed? I don’t get it. Creepy.

While some may not enjoy all of these changes, I found them to be refreshing and fun. And although some say Johnny Depp may never compare to Gene Wilder, I find that Johnny Depp did his best at making Willy Wonka very different from the previous film. Bottom Line: Tim Burton creates, and recreates great stories, I look forward to Corpse Bride.

Comedy / Family

Rated PG for quirky situations, action and mild language.

Running Time: 1 hour 55 minutes

Hit -Starring Emperor Penguin, Momma Penguin, Baby Penguin, narrated by Morgan Freeman

A documentary about the annual voyage of the emperor penguins to find their habitual breeding area. Through this story we see the penguins ‘march’ seemingly single file to find their mate and procreate. The story does not end here, but merely begins with the tale of raising their newborn penguin as the mother and father take turns bringing back food for the baby to eat.

This documentary is beautifully shot and elegantly portrayed onscreen. It shows the importance of family and working together in order to keep the family alive. The penguins go through many trying times when attempting to create a family. Some difficulties include trying to withstand horrible winters, the stress of passing the fertilized egg to their mate, surviving predators, and attempting to not starve while protecting their young.

The baby penguins are the best part of the movie. They are sure to bring in big ‘penguin’ sales for stuffed animals and anything that is of the penguin nature. While the baby penguins are cute and cuddly, this story offers more in terms of endearment when looking at the mother and father penguin. I don’t know how many animals in the wild work as a team during and after the mating rituals, but the penguins certainly are concerned with the welfare of their egg, baby, and nearly full-grown penguin children.

Narrating the penguin journey is actor Morgan Freeman. His voice is very soothing; he could almost put you to sleep. I also would have enjoyed Liam Neeson as he often participates in narration for documentaries.

The March of the Penguins is overall an excellent film for the whole family. The one thing that it is missing according to Rachel Torres of La Canada, CA, “there were not enough predators.” I agree with this statement. Only two predators made an appearance in this film, aside form the harsh winters which could be construed as a third predator. I don’t know if the penguins have any other predators, but more would have made the movie a little more exciting. Bottom Line: See the March, and take your family!

Documentary

Rated G

Running Time: 1 hour 24 minutes

To see what movies will be coming to a theatre near you this August, click here.

Sean Williams Scott stars as Bo Duke in this month’s remake of the TV hit The Dukes of Hazzard. Also appearing in photo is the General Lee. The Dukes of Hazzard hits theatres August 5, 2005.

August 2, 2005

Alexander ( R ) – Colin Farrell, Angelina Jolie

Downfall ( R ) – Bruno Ganz, Ulrich Matthes

Elvis Has Left the Building ( PG-13 ) – John Corbett, Kim Basinger

Evel Knievel ( NR ) – George Eads

Glass Trap ( PG-13 ) – C. Thomas Howell, Stella Stevens

Guess Who ( PG-13 ) – Ashton Kutcher, Bernie Mac
Hit or Miss? Hit

Over There: The Battle Begins (Pilot Episode – NR ) – Josh Henderson, Keith Robinson

Throttle ( R ) – Adrian Paul, Amy Locane

August 9, 2005

Because of Winn-Dixie ( G ) – Annasophia Robb, Jeff Daniels

Dallas 362 ( R ) – Scott Caan, Shawn Hatosy

The Eye 2 ( R ) – Shu Qi, Eugenia Yuan

Kung Fu Hustle ( R ) – Stephen Chow
Hit or Miss? Hit – Home Movie Pick of the Month

Legion of the Dead ( NR ) – Bruce Boxleitner, Zach Galligan

Lightning Bug ( NR ) – Hal Sparks, Kevin Gage

Look at Me ( PG-13 ) – Marilou Berry, Agnes Jaoui

Merci Docteur Rey! ( R ) – Dianne Wiest, Jane Birkin

The Mummy an’ the Armadillo ( R ) – Betty Buckley, Lori Heuring

Murder at the Presidio ( R ) – Lou Diamond Phillips, Victoria Pratt

Off the Map ( PG-13 ) – Amy Brenneman, Joan Allen

Vampire Assassins ( NR ) – Gerald Okamura, Rudy Ray Moore

The Volcano Disaster ( PG-13 ) – Antonella Elia, Chris Martin

August 16, 2005

The Adventures of Ociee Nash ( G ) – Mare Winningham, Keith Carradine

The Ballad of Jack and Rose ( R ) – Daniel Day-Lewis, Catherine Keener

Bereft ( R ) – Vinessa Shaw, Tim Blake Nelson

Bliss: The First Season ( NR ) – Adam Beach, Torri Higginson

Creepies ( NR ) – Lisa Jay, Jeff Ryan

Dave Chappelle: For What it’s Worth ( NR ) – Dave Chappelle

The Deal ( R ) – Christian Slater, Selma Blair

I Got Five On It ( NR ) – Todd Bridges, Chris Angelo

The Off Season ( PG-13 ) – Christina Campenella, Don Wood

Oil on Ice ( NR ) – Peter Coyote

The Psychic ( NR ) – Casper Van Dien, Catherine Oxenberg

Sin City ( R ) – Jessica Alba, Bruce Willis
Hit or Miss? Hit

The Wedding Date ( PG-13 ) – Debra Messing, Dermot Mulroney
Hit or Miss? Hit

August 23, 2005

Beauty Shop ( PG-13 ) – Queen Latifah, Alfre Woodard

The Card Player ( NR ) – Stefania Rocca, Liam Cunningham

Crusader ( R ) – Andrew McCarthy, Michael York

Dust to Glory ( PG ) – Dana Brown

Homeland Security ( R ) – Scott Glenn, Tom Skerritt

Hood of the Living Dead ( NR ) – Chris Angelo, Eduardo Quiroz

Lackawanna Blues ( NR ) – S. Epatha Merkerson, Mos Def.

Layer Cake ( R ) – Daniel Craig, Tom Hardy

A Lot Like Love ( PG-13 ) – Ashton Kutcher, Amanda Peet

Old Boy ( R ) – Min-sik Choi, Ji-tae Yu

One Last Dance ( NR ) – Patrick Swayze, Lisa Niemi

The Ring Two ( R ) – Naomi Watts
Hit or Miss? Miss – Newest Addition to the Vertical Limit Section

Ringu 2 ( NR ) – Miki Nakatani, Rikiya Otaka

The Thing Below ( R ) – Billy Warlock, Jason Low

August 30, 2005

Chrystal ( R ) – Billy Bob Thornton, Lisa Blount

CrossBones ( R ) – Mayra Soto, Joseph Marino

Cup of My Blood ( NR ) – Daniel Patrick Sullivan, Janina Gavankar

Death of a Dynasty ( R ) – Ebon Moss-Bachrach, Devon Aoki

Faith of My Fathers ( PG-13 ) – Shawn Hatosy, Scott Glenn

Kontroll ( R ) – Sandor Csanyi, Zoltan Mucsi

The Librarian: Quest for the Spear ( NR ) – Noah Wyle, Kelly Hu

Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch has a Glitch ( PG ) – Tia Carrere, Dakota Fanning

Monster-in-Law ( PG-13 ) – Jennifer Lopez, Jane Fonda

MPD Psycho II ( NR ) – Naoki Hosaka, Ren Osugi

The Purifiers ( R ) – Dominic Monaghan, Kevin McKidd

Sahara ( PG-13 ) – Matthew McConaughey, Penelope Cruz
Hit or Miss? Hit

Schultze Gets the Blues ( PG ) – Horst Krause, Harald Warmbrunn

Walk on Water ( R ) – Lior Ashkenazi, Knut Berger

Warm Springs ( NR ) – Kenneth Branagh, Cynthia Nixon