Miss – Starring Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Kevin James, Rob Schneider, David Spade

Five friends reunite during the Fourth of July weekend when they receive news that their former basketball coach has passed away.

I am going to make this review short and to the point… the best parts of the film were seen in the previews. There is nothing additionally funny or interesting that happens in the film.

Bottom Line: Even teenagers will dislike this film. Skip it and don’t even bother to add it when it becomes a Netflix add instantly selection.

Comedy

Rated PG-13 for crude material including suggestive references, language and some male rear nudity.

Running Time: 1 hour 42 minutes

Miss – newest addition to the vertical limit category Starring Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Cynthia Nixon, Kristin Davis

While wrestling with the pressures of life, love, and work in Manhattan, Carrie, Miranda, and Charlotte join Samantha for a trip to Morocco, where Samantha’s ex is filming a new movie. – synopsis from IMDB.com

It is necessary to use the synopsis from IMDB in this particular case because this movie has no plot whatsoever that it is hard to pin point exactly what the movie is about. In a word the movie is about: NOTHING. Nothing interesting happens, there is no plot development, and there is no character development. The only possible thing that this movie has going for it is how offensive it must be to particular cultures. The best part of this almost-three-hour-film is when Liza Minnelli sings and dances to “Single Ladies.”

Favorite movie commentary from audience (this contains spoilers)- There is a part in the film where Carrie is calling Big to tell him that she kissed Aidan. Big listens as Carrie talks and then says something like this to her, “I have a lot of work to do, I’ll talk to you later,” and hangs up the phone. Someone in the audience responds by saying, “asshole.” My thought is… wait a minute, she is the one that cheated and he is hurt and doesn’t want to talk to her and therefore he is the asshole? That doesn’t make sense.

Bottom Line: Truly this film is the worst of the year, worst of the decade, and worst of the century.

Comedy

Rated R for some strong sexual content and language.

Running Time: 2 hours 26 minutes (also known as- Forever)

Miss – Starring Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner

After people begin to question the Cullens about their history in Forks, they decide to leave to find a new homestead. When Edward decides to not take Bella with him, Bella is heartbroken. She finds comfort in her friendship with Jacob Black but knows that Jacob is different from other boys in Forks.

Before I begin this review, I would like to say that I also disliked Twilight. Going into this film, I wanted to really like it because I know what an impact it has had on popular culture. Unfortunately, I found this film to be better than the first but still a poor film overall.

The good aspects include: I appreciate the stray from what Hollywood considers to be the “norm” of teenage relationships. This relationship view is much more true to actual high school. So much so, that it is scary how reflective it is upon my own experiences in high school. That may be the reason that I disliked this movie so much.

The bad: It is hard to say this but the acting is just awful. There comes a point in the film where I just want to slap the character of Bella (and the actress) because I feel betrayed by her portrayal of a character that doesn’t have enough depth. I thought that Kristen might be able to do something about that and create that depth but her portrayal is simply one-dimensional. The other actors of the film follow suit with poor performances. The best performances of this installment go out to Bella’s father and the head vampire.

While I am not interested in continuing a relationship with this film, I know that it will continue because Mr. Movies enjoys vampire films and therefore, we must continue to see them. Luckily there are only 2 films remaining.

Bottom Line: If you are a Twilight freak, you will enjoy this. If you are not, you will not enjoy this.

Drama

Rated PG-13 for some violence and action.

Running Time: 2 hours 10 minutes

Miss – Starring Sharlto Copley, Jason Cope

An extraterrestrial race forced to live in slum-like conditions on Earth suddenly finds a kindred spirit in a government agent that is exposed to their biotechnology. – synopsis from IMDB.

I had to take the synopsis from IMDB because I didn’t want to write one myself because this movie bothered me so much. The lack of character development and general plot was frustrating. Plus I honestly believe that this movie was just a set up to Halo. I digress.

Bottom Line: Meh.

Action

Running Time: 1 hour 52 minutes

Rated R for bloody violence and pervasive language.

Miss – Starring Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox

After Sam Witwicky (LaBeouf) learns about the ancient origins of the Transformers, the Decepticons return to Earth to take him prisoner and take control of the Earth. In order to protect the human race, Optimus Prime joins forces with international armies to take down the Decepticons.

Why? Why? Why? Why? I know that I can answer this question myself and the answer is: Money. Money. Money. Money. This film is so money driven that it is disgusting. The biggest flaw of this film is the (what seems like) hour long fighting between the Decepticons and Autobots towards the end of the film. I don’t really care to see such a long action sequence between these characters. In fact, I wish there was more story and development of the two main characters. However, I don’t think this would make the movie any better, it would only make the movie slightly more interesting.

Bottom Line: I have become tired of money driven movies. Or, at the very least, I am tired of money driven sequels. Save your money and wait for it to come to T.V.

Action

Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi action violence, language, some crude and sexual material, and brief drug material.

Running Time: 2 hours 20 minutes.

Miss – Starring Christian Bale, Sam Worthington, Moon Bloodgood, Helena Bonham Carter, Anton Yelchin

Skynet has come to power and has destroyed most of mankind following a nuclear holocaust. For those who have survived, they must ban together to bring down the machines. They are led by John Conner.

It only took 10 minutes or so into the film when I realized how easy it was for Christian Bale to go crazy on someone who worked on the film. The reason being is that his character is intense, making it easy for him to yell at someone while still in character. Creepy, and yet amazing.

The main downfall of this film was the idea that we were going to see the link between the first film of the series and this film. Sadly, they decided to give us more background of the saga instead of tying it all together into one nice completed package. Because the original started in 1984 the graphics and CGI were not impressive. Now that we have the technology to make it more impressive, I find that going that route keeps the film from being true to itself.

Bottom Line: Why can’t this be the point of Termination for this series?

Action

Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi violence and action, and language.

Running Time: 1 hour 55 minutes.

Miss – Starring Ginnifer Goodwin, Justin Long, Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck, Drew Barrymore, Kevin Connolly, Jennifer Connolly, Bradley Cooper

He’s Just Not That Into You is based on the book which was inspired by a line in the hit television show Sex and the City (not to be confused with the movie version). This story follows the lives of young singles as they survive the dating world.

While I thought there were funny parts to the overall story, I found that there were too many characters that I didn’t like. I didn’t like the story between Scarlett Johansson and Bradley Cooper which involved infidelity. I also didn’t like Jennifer Connolly’s character, however, I found that she played the character very well. Her performance was very detailed and well executed. The direction for her character was also well thought out, but I found that the character herself was not very like-able. Ben Afflecks character really sucked too. All – in – all the only interesting stories focused on Gennifer Goodwin/Justin Long, and Drew Barrymore/Kevin Connolly.

Bottom Line: If you really need to see this film, rent it.

Comedy

Rated PG-13 for sexual content and brief strong language.

Running Time: 2 hours 9 minutes.

Miss – Starring Owen Wilson, Jennifer Aniston

According to IMDB this movie is about how a family learns important life lessons from their adorable, but naughty and neurotic dog.

This “synopsis” could not be farther from the truth. This movie is not a family film. It is also not a movie about a dog. It is a movie about a husband and wife and how their lives change throughout the years. It just so happens that they have a dog that continues with them in their story.

When I think of movies about dogs I think of Benji, Air Bud, Bingo, Milo and Otis, Cujo, Homeward Bound – The Incredible Journey, Old Yeller, and My Dog Skip. These movies are movies that are about dogs and the dog is the binding source of the film. If you took Marley out of Marly & Me you would still have a movie, it just wouldn’t be very interesting, which is hard to say because the movie is not very interesting to begin with.

Bottom Line: If you want to see a family film about dogs, go see Hotel for Dogs.

Comedy

Rated PG for thematic material, some suggestive content and language.
* although I feel it should have been rated PG-13 because there was more than “some” suggestive content.
Running Time: 1 hour 55 minutes.

Miss – Starring Meryl Streep, Pierce Brosnan, Amanda Seyfried, Stellan Skarsgard, Colin Firth, Julie Walters, Christine Baranski, Dominic Cooper

Sophie is about to get married to the man of her dreams, everything is perfect, except she wants her father to walk her down the aisle. The only problem is, she doesn’t know who her father is. To find out more, Sophie reads her mothers diary and discovers that there are three possible fathers. Therefore, Sophie invites all three gentlemen to the wedding. Imagine her mother’s suprise when she finds out.

As a lover of musicals, I find it interesting that this movie had so many opportunities to succeed and yet it still failed to provide the most essential film element – a story. Well, technically there is a story, but it is so drab that it doesn’t carry the audience through the entire film. The advertisements for the film make people believe that the main character of the film is Sophie (played by Amanda Seyfried) but in actuality, the main character of the movie is Sophie’s mother Donna (played by Meryl Streep).

Another area where the movie fails to deliver is in casting. Pierce Brosnan cannot sing to save his life. Every time he would open his mouth to sing, the entire audience would bust up laughing. This is not what the filmmakers were going for as the tone of the film is not burlesque. Now that I think about it… maybe the tone is burlesque… nah! Meryl Streep can sing but friends have expressed to me that they felt she was not a very good singer. Either way, she got the job done.

This movie had so many great elements. There was excellent choreography, songs, art direction, costuming, and general filming location. It is unfortunate that the story is so bland and they failed to realize that someone like Michael Crawford would have been a better fit for the Pierce Brosnan character.

Bottom Line: Mamma…mia.

Musical

Rated PG-13 for some sex-related comments.

Running Time: 1 hour 48 minutes.

The Newest Movie to make it to the Vertical Limit

Miss – Starring Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel, John Leguizamo, Ashlyn Sanchez

Something fatal is happening to humanity and there is no way to stop it. In order to save themselves, a family attempts to run from the natural disaster.

This is quite possibly the worst film of the year. I know there are bad films that have come out this year, but so far, I think this one is number one on the list. I heard one person say that the audience needed to think of this film as an episode of “The Twilight Zone.” To that, my response is, exactly. It should have been a 48 minute episode of a show that we can see in our own homes for FREE. Another person said, “think of it as a B movie.” To which I respond, “why do I have to pay A movie prices for a B movie film?”

So why is this movie so bad? It tries to obtain the essence of what will happen to humanity if we continue to take the earth for granted.

It tries to be the baby sister to the movie Soylent Green in some ways. Unfortunately the impact of the film is too predictable.

By the way, the movie Soylent Green took place in 2022, which is in the not-so-distant future.

Bottom Line: This movie is not happening.

Fantasy

Rated R for violent and disturbing images.

Running Time: 1 hour 31 minutes.