Miss - Starring Meryl Streep, Pierce Brosnan, Amanda Seyfried, Stellan Skarsgard, Colin Firth, Julie Walters, Christine Baranski, Dominic Cooper

Sophie is about to get married to the man of her dreams, everything is perfect, except she wants her father to walk her down the aisle. The only problem is, she doesn’t know who her father is. To find out more, Sophie reads her mothers diary and discovers that there are three possible fathers. Therefore, Sophie invites all three gentlemen to the wedding. Imagine her mother’s suprise when she finds out.

As a lover of musicals, I find it interesting that this movie had so many opportunities to succeed and yet it still failed to provide the most essential film element - a story. Well, technically there is a story, but it is so drab that it doesn’t carry the audience through the entire film. The advertisements for the film make people believe that the main character of the film is Sophie (played by Amanda Seyfried) but in actuality, the main character of the movie is Sophie’s mother Donna (played by Meryl Streep).

Another area where the movie fails to deliver is in casting. Pierce Brosnan cannot sing to save his life. Every time he would open his mouth to sing, the entire audience would bust up laughing. This is not what the filmmakers were going for as the tone of the film is not burlesque. Now that I think about it… maybe the tone is burlesque… nah! Meryl Streep can sing but friends have expressed to me that they felt she was not a very good singer. Either way, she got the job done.

This movie had so many great elements. There was excellent choreography, songs, art direction, costuming, and general filming location. It is unfortunate that the story is so bland and they failed to realize that someone like Michael Crawford would have been a better fit for the Pierce Brosnan character.

Bottom Line: Mamma…mia.

Musical

Rated PG-13 for some sex-related comments.

Running Time: 1 hour 48 minutes.

The Newest Movie to make it to the Vertical Limit

Miss - Starring Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel, John Leguizamo, Ashlyn Sanchez

Something fatal is happening to humanity and there is no way to stop it. In order to save themselves, a family attempts to run from the natural disaster.

This is quite possibly the worst film of the year. I know there are bad films that have come out this year, but so far, I think this one is number one on the list. I heard one person say that the audience needed to think of this film as an episode of “The Twilight Zone.” To that, my response is, exactly. It should have been a 48 minute episode of a show that we can see in our own homes for FREE. Another person said, “think of it as a B movie.” To which I respond, “why do I have to pay A movie prices for a B movie film?”

So why is this movie so bad? It tries to obtain the essence of what will happen to humanity if we continue to take the earth for granted.

It tries to be the baby sister to the movie Soylent Green in some ways. Unfortunately the impact of the film is too predictable.

By the way, the movie Soylent Green took place in 2022, which is in the not-so-distant future.

Bottom Line: This movie is not happening.

Fantasy

Rated R for violent and disturbing images.

Running Time: 1 hour 31 minutes.

Miss - Starring Sarah Jessica Parker, Kristin Davis, Kim Cattrall, Cynthia Nixon, Chris Noth

Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big are finally getting married… or are they?

The series “Sex and the City” was something that I particularly enjoyed. I watched the series via dvd and found that it explored various lives and emotions of four different women. It was great to watch their different lives flourish.

Unfortunately the movie unveiled a story line that I did not wish to learn about. That story line went above and beyond what I would normally find as an interesting plot point for the series, in fact, it was down right awful.

The idea of Big leaving Carrie at the altar was absurd. I am so tired of Carrie and Big and them always being on-again, off-again. Can’t she be happy for once in the series? No, she has to be completely miserable and heartbroken for almost the entire film.

Samantha hasn’t changed at all. In some ways, I would consider her the female version of Tom Leykis - always looking out for number one.

Miranda’s story line came as somewhat of a surprise, I found her plot point to be very suiting to her character but it was also very sad at the same time.

I am pleased that Charlotte had a great story line but I felt that it was too overdone. I found that it was interesting that she was able to get pregnant naturally, since she was unable to do so from the beginning of her marriage. I think that the idea of this happening to her was really Cinderellaized, and in real life, this most likely wouldn’t have happened.

Bottom Line: This story is tired.

Dramedy

Rated R for strong sexual content, graphic nudity and language.

Running Time: 2 hours 28 minutes (or as I like to call it, Season 7 unedited)

A disappointing Miss - Starring Harrison Ford, Karen Allen, Shia LaBeouf, Cate Blanchett, John Hurt

Professor of archaeology and famed adventurer Dr. Henry (Indiana) Jones is back in the thick of things when he learns of a mysterious artifact known as the Crystal Skull.

The first thing I tell people when they ask how this movie was is that I was disappointed with the end result. The film started off as the classic Indiana Jones films do, and it had some great beginning action sequences. It was the third act where the feeling of “this is not what I expected,” came into my thought process.

To give you some background, I love the Indiana Jones series and, although, I feel Harrison Ford is too old for the role, I was looking forward to seeing the next installment. However, I was under the assumption that this film would follow suit with the previous films and I was sadly mistaken.

There were some good points to this film: Acting, set design, action, and special effects.

The bad points of the film include: story, writing, over-the-top sequences.

Spoiler Alert: If you have not seen the movie and do not want to know the following information then do not read below this line.

If I told you that this movie is about aliens what would you say? That’s right, folks, aliens! This is where I wanted to put my hands in my face and cry because it was so awful. How could Steven do this to the series?

Bottom Line: If you want to see Indiana Jones and aliens you have come to the right place. If you want to see the classic Indiana Jones formula - then you are going to have to watch the previous films.

Action

Rated PG-13 for adventure violence and scary images.

Running Time: 2 hours 4 minutes

Miss - Starring Jim Sturgess, Kate Bosworth, Kevin Spacey

Loosely based on a true story; Six MIT students are trained to become card counting experts. Lead by their MIT professor, the students take Las Vegas and Atlantic City casinos for millions of dollars.

Although the premise of this movie is intriguing, the actual film itself is rubbish. Things started to go sour when I realized that I was so bothered by the soundtrack because it didn’t fit the film or the mood of the film at all. There is really something to be said about a poorly selected soundtrack. There were only two songs in the film that I felt actually worked well with the movie, but unfortunately, that is not enough.

The performances of the actors were very good, but in this particular film, it isn’t enough to make it an enjoyable picture to watch.

Before I went to see this movie I started to read the book “Bringing Down the House,” which is novel that the film is based off of; although I was only 4 chapters in at the time, I felt the book was already way better than anything on screen.

The main problem with this movie was sequence and writing. There was something overly “Hollywood” to this film. Why was it necessary to change the race of the lead character? Do they think people wouldn’t see this film otherwise? This thought is rather peculiar. In addition, at one point in the film, the card crew decide to shake things up and turn the tables a bit, but the turning point seemed more of a hollywood cliche then it did an interesting and thoughtful turn of events.

Bottom Line: Read the book.

Dramaction - I have decided to coin a new term (if this has not already been coined) called “dramaction” which marries the words “Drama” and “Action” to create this wonderful hybrid word.

Rated PG-13 for some violence, and sexual content including partial nudity.

Running Time: 2 hours 3 minutes

Miss - Starring Jack Black, Mos Def, Danny Glover

When Jerry (Black) becomes magnetized due to a power plant sabotage gone wrong, he accientally ends up erasing all the movies in a friends video store. In order to keep customers happy, Jerry and Mike (Def) attempt to remake (swede) movies on their own.

Although this movie had its moments of entertainment, it was overall not a cinematic marvel. My main question is, what is up with Mos Def? Why can’t he enunciate? It drives me nuts! I found myself focused on the idea that I had no clue what he was saying.

There were some ideas of the film that I found to be interesting - the idea of sweding a film, and the interaction when the producers (Mike and Jerry) were trying to get an actress in their film. The rest of the film was merely bland and the ending was dropped off to a point where I was waiting for the film to come back on, only it didn’t.

Bottom Line: Don’t Be Kind.

Comedy

Rated PG-13 for some sexual references.

Running Time: 1 hour 41 minutes

Miss - Starring Nobody you know

Something has attacked New York City. In order to survive, a group of twenty-somethings attempt to find a way out of the city.

It is amazing how movies get made these days and what is the “inspiration” for a film. I read an article on Yahoo! that told how there were two main sources of inspiration to J.J. Abrams for this film:

1. He was upset that the movie poster for “Escape from New York” had the head of the statue of liberty and yet, this detail was not included in the film.

2. He traveled to Japan and saw the merchandise surrounding Godzilla and realized that America doesn’t have a monster movie of its own.

I personally believe that J.J. took some ideas or got inspiration from the film “The Blair Witch Project.” My question to film makers out there is this:

Is there any reason we can’t have a steady camera? Why do they feel the need to always take us on these roller coaster rides when using the camera? It makes me sick.

Another thing about this movie that makes me sick is that it takes place in New York. Really? Yes, really! Why does every freakin’ monster movie have to take place in New York? Can’t I get a San Francisco? How about a monster at the Alamo? I am really tired of all monsters landing in New York, it is overdone.

The last thing I have to say about this movie is… it is a problem when the talk of this movie is the fact that we all know that the executive producer is J.J. Abrams. Not the director, the executive producer - the person who hands out the money for the film. We should never know who the executive producer is on a movie until we see the credits.

I digress.

Action/Horror

Rated PG-13 for violence, terror and disturbing images.

Running Time: 1 hour 25 minutes
Time when you want to lose your lunch due to bad camera operation: 25 minutes

Miss - Starring Timothy Olyphant, Dougray Scott, Olga Kurylenko

Hitman Agent 47 gets in the middle of a political conspiracy. Interpol and the Russian military are now looking to bring him down.

Yikes! An action film with absolutely no plot advancements is rough; Rick! I really don’t know how this movie got made or funded as the plot was so basic and blah-zay that it makes me want to _____________ (some madlibs action for you). The best part of this film was when it was over and I could go home.

If the character of Agent 47 was more dynamic, this movie could have been better, but sadly, it was a disaster. I hope to never hear about it again.

Bottom Line: Hitman? More like “Miss”man.

Action

Rated R for strong bloody violence, language and some sexuality/nudity.

Running Time: 1 hour 40 minutes.

Miss - Starring Scarlett Johansson, Nicolas Art, Alicia Keys, Laura Linney, Paul Giamatti

A college graduate with an anthropology degree finds herself accidentally getting a job as a nanny for a rich Upper East Side New York family. While being their live-in nanny, she finds that life for rich New York women comes with dysfunction.

I saw this movie over a year ago when it was called “Uptown Girls.” There is only one slight difference and that is, the main character (Scarlett Johansson) is not a former rich girl herself, she is actually a college graduate that has accidentally found herself becoming a nanny.

I have heard that the book is 10x’s better.

Bottom Line: Read these diaries, but don’t see this movie in theatres.

Comedy

Rated PG-13 for language.

Running Time: 1 hour 48 minutes

Miss - Starring Michael Cera, Jonah Hill, Christopher Mintz-Plasse

Three high school seniors plan to end their high school years with a “bang.” Literally. Unfortunately, things do not go as planned and they wind up in many awkward situations.

I only have two things to say about this movie… it was super bad. Unless you want to see a movie that will offend you to no end, this movie is not for you. It is completely dreadful.

Bottom Line: Super bad. And that is not a compliment.

Comedy

Rated R for pervasive crude and sexual content, strong language, drinking, some drug use and a fantasy/comic violent image - all involving teens.

Running Time: 1 hour 54 minutes